Pushing Through the dirt

Odd how weaknesses, struggles and setbacks all seem to come when you least expect them. Which is ironic because you'd think that would mean you could know when they are coming (i.e. when you least expect them). But oddly enough we're never ready for them when they hit for the first time, or resurface are we? It reminds me of when I used to help my Dad out in the yard. We would throw mulch and fresh dirt over top of grass and clover growing in our yard and within a few days that grass and clover would push itself back up through the dirt. Something about that imagery has stuck with me, but it's not what you would think. You may be guessing that I'm comparing the grass and clover to our struggles that resurface over time, which I wouldn't disagree with- but more of what I had in mind is how I oftentimes feel like that blade of grass, because it seems that just as I'm finally standing in the sunlight- a fresh shovel full of dirt falls square on my head. It's certainly true that nothing sucks more than when dirt happens, but recently I've noticed something else is happening here. Every time I have an inevitable set back, moment of failure, or the proverbial 'ton of bricks' hitting me square in the face I am presented with a HUGE choice. These moments, where I feel like a victim, or where I'm not proud of what I've done- these moments end up being the moments that define me. It's not when I feel good, or happy, or content, or jolly, or swell that I am becoming much of anything worth being. It turns out (yet again) that God knows what he's doing after all- because as Donald Miller discussed in his book "A Million Miles and a Thousand Years"-'Character transformation doesn't happen in any story (including ours) without conflict.' Though I may have had a weak moment, or been blindsided by circumstances or sorrow- I have realized that I am becoming who God is making me in the getting back up, and in the rebelling against whatever caused the fall. I have learned to rebel against sorrow with Christ centered joy. I have learned to rebel against my own weakness by fighting back internally, but most importantly by surrendering to God and allowing him to fight for me. Because no matter how much I am tempted to doubt God in these situations, the truth is he has always pulled through when I've leaned on him... and that's just the kind of person I'm learning to be, one that leans on God and pushes through the dirt.